OK, I lied.

Guerrilla Handbell Strikeforce

Here's a great one from Improv Everywhere.



OK, I promise the next one won't be a video.

Politically Correct Holiday Song

So since the first video was a bit more on the serious side, here's something delightfully funny.

Merry Christmas, everyone

I hope you all have a wonderful day. :) I'll be posting Christmasy links throughout the day, so I hope you all enjoy that.

The Ugly Truth About Santa Claus

Tonight was girl's night. We realized something horrible about Santa Claus. I wrote a brief essay about it.

--

I have determined why Santa's cheeks are always red, why he is obese, why he thinks he can fit down chimneys, and why he is so jolly.

Santa is an alcoholic.

He has been drinking whiskey constantly on his midnight trips, which explains the red cheeks. Naturally, he has become addicted and started doing this all year long, which also explains why he has gotten so rotund. Since he's not in his right frame of mind when he's drinking, he thinks he can fit down the chimney. The jolly mood should explain itself.

Please, stop encouraging him.

--

Girls nights are interesting.

On winter.

This is a response to Erin's post about oh so lovely Michigan winters.

It is no secret that I cannot STAND winter. It's a family trait. "Snow" is a four-letter word. So, here are my top ten reasons why this is the worst season of all.

1) Schools around here don't cancel. It's because if they miss too many days, then they'll have to go into summer, but it gets ridiculous. And forget about any love from Western. I've heard horror stories where students are forced to drive over twenty miles in snowstorms just to get to class.

2) The snowplows never, ever plow through neighborhoods, at least here. They only get major roads and the frequently used sidestreets. Sooo the main roads can be perfectly fine, but you'll have to drive at like 5 MPH just to make it to the end of the street.

3) You have to wake up earlier to allow your car to warm up and defrost. Oh, and clearing off the snow is a pain.

4) And it's so cold. Not even the layers completely help.

5) Forget about taking the highway in the mornings if you don't have to... it's practically unusable.

6) I don't know about others, but the animals in this house go insane. My dog, I swear, has seasonal depression that kicks in around the end of October. You could try giving her all the attention in the world, but after two minutes, she'll be moping again. The cat gets downright homicidal. She wants to go outside, but she hates the cold. So if we let her out, she'll want to come back in two minutes later. And after she's been inside for a half hour, she'll try going outside through a different door. And if you don't let her out? She'll try to murder you. She is the reason I'm not a cat person.

7) The wind. The cold is hard enough to take without the wind.

8) My sneakers have great traction. But the snow soaks right through them.

9) IDIOT DRIVERS. They always test my patience, but it's worse in winter.

10) And when the ice isn't making driving troublesome, it's on the sidewalks and like, making walking troublesome! Same with slush. Plus slush makes everything ugly.

Spring is my favorite, personally.

--

Here are the critters when it isn't winter:

The cat

Daisy

Last week of classes! (Not counting exams)

Oh look, there's the light on the horizon. :) I can pretty much forget about working on Rhemy's Guide this week because of these blasted papers:

• Psych paper about older adults going back to school - due by 11:30 tonight.
• Marco Polo paper about the Mongols - due Thursday by 5:00 PM.
• And American History paper - due Friday night by 11:00 PM.

And NEXT WEEK, portfolios will be due for Fiction Workshop and Nonfiction. Writing is fun, yeah?

So to all of my fellow college kids, have hope. The semester is almost over.

Ah yes, editing...

I don't think any of us has the exact same editing process. Like a fair number of people like me (the "plotters") might be patient enough to finish the manuscript, and then edit. Hahaha. Yeah right, Grammar Nazi me is going to wait. That manuscript won't even know what hit it. It's gonna be like, "WHOA two seconds ago I had a prologue... not the adverbs and adjectives! MY MODIFIERS! Oh God, it burns! IT BURNS!"

My first edits are always akin to assaulting Microsoft Word. :) How about you?

*White flag*

Oh man. I give up. I cannot write over nine thousand words in an hour and a half. That would defy physics.

But I can't say it was a bad month. This story is a lot of fun when it's not being frustrating. So to those of you who did win, congratulations. And for the rest of us - there's always next year. :)

The Life of a Mary Sue

Too busy writing to write a real post (as has been the trend for November), so I give you this. It is quite hilarious and catchy.

Happy Thanksgiving

And if you're not American, happy Thursday. :) I hope you all have a fantastic day, whether you'll be spending it with your friends, family, or a group of random strangers. Oh, I jest because I'm actually writing this at 5:42 in the morning, and my sense of humor is weird at the moment.

Anyway. Have a great day, everybody.

National Book Awards

Didja hear about the results of this year's National Book Award? One of the winners was Jaimy Gordon.

Yeah. That's my Fiction Workshop teacher. :) I'm surprised more people aren't all over this because her novel was picked as the underdog, but look. It won. It's like every nerd's fairy tale.

Just saying.

Best writing advice I've ever heard.

"Sit down, shut up, and write."

Can't remember where I heard it now or even if that's the exact phrasing, but it gets the point across, doesn't it?

For those of you who want a less harsh-sounding pep talk... go here. :)

And into week three!

Wow, week two was rough. Seemed to be that way for a lot of people. Hang in there, guys! :)

Currently rewriting the first chapter at the moment. I know, I know, wait until December, but I've never been one to follow that rule. So here's the new intro:

--

Time worked like the Domino Effect meeting the Six Degrees of Separation, and one wrong move could make the whole of reality collapse. They learned that the hard way the day the sky cracked open.

It started in Reims, France at seven in the morning. A thunderous SNAP like the sound of a bone breaking startled everyone, and more snaps followed in quick succession. People gathered to the windows and ran outside to see what was going on. Lights filled the sky, and it almost looked like billions of fireflies were coming in through the clouds. The lights formed a jagged line that pulsated and buzzed. It could have been fireflies taking over the earth.

It took four hours and twenty-three minutes for the cracks to cover the whole of the sky. By then, they didn’t look like cracks anymore; it was as if the atmosphere turned light yellow. Meteorologists tried to find records of this ever happening before, but such records did not exist.

Around midday, the lights suddenly went out, and nightfall blanketed the earth. People began to panic and worry that this was the end of the world.

--

And here's the song it was written to:



Dunno what that says about this story.

In character news, Rhemy is supposed to be the MC, but Oliver keeps trying to steal the spotlight. It's kind of hilarious, too:

--

Oliver didn’t answer because the elevator dinged again and the doors opened. They both ran right, seeing as running left would have them jump out a window, and kept running until they reached a large atrium where a young man, probably just out of school, was playing with some wires.

“STOP!”

“And shut the dooooooooooor!” crooned Oliver, clapping his hands over his heart and closing his eyes. “You’re the one that I’ve been fighting fooo-OOOOOO-oo-o-o-or… sorry. Couldn’t help myself.” He grinned at Rhemy’s exasperated expression. The would-be bomber looked more alarmed than anything.

--

Anybody else's characters behaving hilariously?