Tonight was girl's night. We realized something horrible about Santa Claus. I wrote a brief essay about it.
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I have determined why Santa's cheeks are always red, why he is obese, why he thinks he can fit down chimneys, and why he is so jolly.
Santa is an alcoholic.
He has been drinking whiskey constantly on his midnight trips, which explains the red cheeks. Naturally, he has become addicted and started doing this all year long, which also explains why he has gotten so rotund. Since he's not in his right frame of mind when he's drinking, he thinks he can fit down the chimney. The jolly mood should explain itself.
Please, stop encouraging him.
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Girls nights are interesting.
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